One of the most magical things about Teen Mom is the amount of gossip it generates — and, as you can imagine, pregnancy rumors make up a big, big part of all that gossip.
At least once every month or so, we’ll hear whispers that one of the moms is expecting again.
Sometimes the rumors turn out to be true — remember all the speculation about Jenelle Evans last year, all that talk before her pregnancy was confirmed in a police report?
(Still one of the most incredible moments in TM history, by the way.)
But unfortunately — or fortunately, depending on who we’re talking about — the pregnancies are usually just tabloid fodder.
We thought that was the case with the latest round of pregnancy rumors surrounding Amber Portwood. After all, she’s been dating her new boyfriend, Andrew Glennon, for just three months.
And that’s a generous estimate.
Surely she wouldn’t be expecting a child with a man she’s just known since the summer, right?
It’s official, y’all: Amber is pregnant.
Feel free to take a few moments to gather yourself, to try to recover from the shock …
Though Amber hasn’t commented on the matter herself, People did confirm the pregnancy, which is about as official as it gets.
A report from The Ashley’s Reality Roundup offers up a few additional details — now we know that the pregnancy is the reason Amber didn’t show up for the big Teen Mom party in L.A. last month.
“The official word told to everyone was that she didn’t come because she was sick,” a source revealed, “but basically everyone knew it was morning sickness.”
“She’s been having a hard time so far, but Amber is totally thrilled about the pregnancy.”
Look, we’re happy if Amber is happy, but there are quite a few reasons to not be thrilled about this pregnancy.
One, another source told The Ashley that Teen Mom OG producers have known about this whole thing since Amber and Andrew’s vacation to Hawaii.
That was mid-September, so if Amber was far enough along to know she was pregnant and to start telling people, that means she’d have to have conceived pretty much the second she and Andrew started dating.
Is it really that hard to wait to have a baby with someone? Just at least until you’ve known them, say, six months?
Two — and this one goes along with that first issue — there wasn’t a lot of downtime between Amber’s breakup with Matt Baier and the start of her relationship with Andrew.
She broke up with Matt for good at the end of June, when they wrapped up filming their season of Marriage Boot Camp.
That means that there’s a chance this could be Matt’s baby. Hey, we know his sperm is up to the task, right?
Three, in case you forgot, Amber wasn’t all that great a mother the first time around. Sorry, but it’s true.
It’s been a while, so you may have forgotten, but she was never that interested in parenting, to the point that she’d leave baby Leah crying in a crib without sheets, with nothing but a bottle of Kool-Aid for comfort.
Child protective services were even called on her at one point, because she beat Gary in front of Leah.
Though they were both immature and kind of awful in the beginning, Gary was able to step up and be the parent that Leah needs, while Amber continues to flake even on visitation.
Will Andrew be able to step up like that?
Which brings us to our fourth point — Andrew is a terrible person.
Two of his ex-girlfriends have restraining orders against him that were filed after he allegedly stalked and threatened them. He’s not exactly prime baby daddy material.
And finally, Amber has said in the not-so-distant past that she’d never have more children because of the medications she takes to maintain her mental health.
She suffers from borderline personality disorder and she’s also bipolar, and she relies on her medication to keep her stable.
She explained on an old Teen Mom episode that she needs to take those medications “for the rest of my life,” and “I can’t, I can’t get pregnant on this medication.”
Well, she could technically get pregnant, but the meds “would mess up the fetus.”
In addition to that, she said that it would also be a bad idea for her to get off her meds just to have a baby, because “If I do not have medication, I will not be normal. I would have crazy mood swings.”
So … what happened with all that?
Look, best wishes and all, but there’s no way this pregnancy is going to be nice and sweet and drama-free. There’s literally no way.
At least we’ll able to see it all go down next month when Teen Mom OG returns!