At one point or another, we’ve all daydreamed about what we would do if we had a virtually unlimited supply of time and money.
Perhaps you’d like to sail around the world on a yacht that’s twice the size of your first apartment, or eat manatee burgers on Richard Branson’s private island.
There are many ways to blow staggering amounts of cash in frivolous and obnoxious ways, and as far as we can tell, that’s the best reason to amass staggering amounts of cash.
Of course, saying you want to pull a Magellan or feast on some ground endangered species is that tres noveau riche sh-t that’ll get you tossed out of the Secret Rich Guys’ Club before you can say “DJ Jazzy Jeff.”
The folks who have been annoyingly well-heeled for most of their lives have moved beyond such pedestrian fantasies and are now only excited by displays of wealth that work-a-day schmucks like you and I would never even dream of.
Take for example, the latest expenditure by Mr. Brad Pitt, who began life by winning the genetic lottery, and then rode that wave all the way to unimaginable financial success.
At 54, Brad’s been rich and famous for nearly three decades, which means those nightly Illuminati orgies are just a tedious chore to him at this point.
This is a guy who’s done it all, which means he needs something truly wondrous to get his motor running.
You can only drive so many luxury cars and observe so many alien autopsies before you begin to crave the purest and most universal pleasure known to man.
We’re talking, of course, about enjoying the company of the Mother of Dragons herself, Emilia Clarke.
Proving once again that he’s living the very best of lives, Pitt recently bid $120,000 for a chance to spend an evening watching Game of Thrones with Emilia.
Obviously, Clarke is gorgeous, but it seems Pitt ponied up the dough simply out of sheer GoT fanboy geekiness.
Clarke auctioned off her time as part of a benefit for Haiti organized by Sean Penn.
Sadly, like the Red Wedding, this tale has a tragic ending.
It seems Brad’s colossal bid was insufficient, and someone who we’re just gonna assume was George R.R. Martin in disguise dropped an astonishing $160,000 for an hour of Emilia’s time.
That may seem ludicrous, but the way our cable bills have been looking lately, we’ll all be dropping six figures to watch HBO before the year is out, amirite?!
Yes, that was an incredibly lame joke, but if we told it you while we were clinking glasses of $800 champagne aboard our private space shuttle, you’d be in hysterics right now.
Maybe money can’t always buy you a night with the Khaleesi, but it can always buy you fake friends.