In the span of just a few short years, Meghan Markle has gone from Deal or No Deal “briefcase girl” to star of a USA network legal drama to future royalty.
It’s a trajectory that’s sure to inspire both misty-lensed Hallmark Channel romances and 99 cent erotic e-books with titles like The Finger Prince.
We don’t blame the public for being fascinated with Meghan’s story.
We all like to think we’ll be saved from our desperate, mediocre lives when someone with tremendous power and influence recognizes how special we are.
Basically, Meghan is Harry Potter and Harry is Dumbledore and … well, we won’t get into the importance of knowing how to work a wand in both stories, but you get the idea.
The point of that confusing and oddly profane metaphor is that Meghan and Harry’s romance is the stuff of bestsellers.
But it won’t be J.K. Rowling telling the tale.
No, it appears the first to cash in on the international Harkle obsession will be British writer Andrew Morton, a provocateur who’s previously authored biographies on Tom Cruise, Madonna, and Angelina Jolie.
Somehow, not having not been smothered to death by the avalanche of smug that came from researching those three, Morton lived to tell tell the tale of Harry’s mother, Princess Di, in a bestseller titled Diana: Her Story.
Despite the fact that the book was based largely on a secretly recorded conversation between Diana and a friend, Morton was able to secure the late princess’ approval of the project.
In other words, this is a dude who knows where the bodies are buried, and now he’s coming for MegMar:
“I was a fan of Meghan’s long before she met Prince Harry,” British writer Andrew Morton wrote to Fox News.
“She has star quality, what some have called ‘the Markle Sparkle.'”
As a man who has the sack to use the phrase “Markle Sparkle” publicly, you can bet that Morton won’t shy away from all the gritty details of Meghan’s 36 years.
Or, he’ll just engage in 400-plus pages of ass-kissing, because the royals have basically made his career.
Based on his comments on the project, we’re guessing it’s the latter:
“Confident, groomed and camera ready, she is a dramatic contrast to the blushing, coy royal brides of recent history,” Morton recently told Fox News
“The warmth and affection Meghan and Harry displayed during their engagement interview years is light years away from the stilted ‘whatever love means’ conversation with Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer in 1981.”
“Meghan is an exciting and genuinely charismatic addition to the royal family – she makes the House of Windsor seem relevant again. Hers is a fascinating story and I can’t wait to tell it.”
Basically, it sounds like dude is a living Instagram filter.
His version of Meghan has a flower crown and shoots out rays of angelic light when she smiles.
So yeah, you may have to wait a bit longer for Markle to get the warts-and-all treatment.
Or you can just go ahead and download The Finger Prince to your Kindle.
We’re not here to judge.