Last night on Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 16, Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney sought to put all the bickering behind them.
We know, yes. We know. Hence the word sought above.
With this crew, that’s always easier said than done …
If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, you will not be at all surprised to learn that the duo’s bachelor-bachelorette party started off strong.
Or that it ended in drama and tears. A LOT of tears.
We began with Brittany Cartwright deciding to confront BF Jax Taylor about his emotional apology to Stassi Schroeder the night before.
“You don’t just apologize for being certain ways to Stassi when you act certain ways to me,” Brittany insisted, but Jax was not moved.
“If I’m mean to my ex-girlfriends, I get punished,” the reality star responded. “If I’m nice to my ex-girlfriends and apologize, I get punished.”
“It’s like, what do you want me to do?”
Across the hall, Schwartz woke up on the couch and stumbled in to find future wife Katie sleeping in their California king bed by herself.
He gently woke her, and asked for an apology.
“Do you want to say you’re sorry? You were super mean to me last night,” Schwartz said, before recalling their dispute from 4:30 a.m.
After the New Orleans bars closed, Katie wanted to take a car home rather than walk back to the hotel … and lashed out at Tom over this.
Then she asked why he wanted to rehash it.
“As Katie Maloney would say, ‘Don’t discount my feelings,'” Schwartz said. “Because you don’t remember because you were too drunk!”
Yeah. The tension was on the rise in NOLA.
Schwartz proceeded to show up totally wasted As the groomsmen and Ariana Madix, the grooms-woman (?) headed out gator huntin’.
“I’m starting to think Tom is drinking for other reasons, possibly the situation going on with Katie,” Jax, the voice of reason, told the cameras.
“I say ‘possibly,’ but that’s pretty much the reason.”
At lunch, Tom admitted to the guys that he wasn’t really speaking to Katie, which again prompted a reality check from Jax of all people.
“Maybe it is me, though,” Schwartz said, when promoted about Katie’s behavior toward him, which prompted Tom Sandoval to go OFF.
“You sound like a f–king battered wife!” his namesake cried, beginning another cascade of tears. “It’s f–king bulls–t! You deserve better, dude.”
“You put your emotions always on the end, man!”
Meanwhile, Katie and the bridesmaids went out for a seafood-heavy Southern brunch, to the disgust of Scheana Shay and Kristen Doute.
If only the differences of opinion ended with food.
Kristen revealed to Scheana that Katie constantly berated Schwartz because of his alleged banging of a woman in Vegas two years prior.
Doute tried to lift Maloney’s spirits by hiring her a (female) stripper, whereas the guys hit up a sports bar and Schwartz drowned his sorrows.
Later, when the groups met up, Kristen pulled Schwartz aside to ask about the Sin City hookup, which he says didn’t go beyond kissing.
Emotions and blood alcohol content were both really high at this moment, though, so Schwartz promptly flipped the f–k out on Doute.
Calling Kristen “basic” and saying that she needs therapy, Schwartz was quickly losing control when Sandoval attempted to step in.
That in turn sparked a bigger fight between Kristen and the drag queens (the guys were immersed in the city’s gender-bending spirit).
“Doute is way out of line!” Schwartz said, and while that may be, because honestly when is she not, Tom was not in a place to criticize.
As Katie tried to calm him down, Tom lost it.
“You act like a moron, and you want unconditional love?” Schwartz drunkenly and loudly slurred at the woman he’s supposed to be marrying.
Good times in the Big Easy.