For someone who seems to be trying to make a career out of being a douche, Simon Saran simply isn’t very good at trash talk.
We suppose if you consider the quantity of shade thrown, he’s posting GOAT-level numbers, but his humor is on par with roast night at a community college frat house.
Simon’s not sending anyone running to the burn unit, is what we’re saying.
These days, the main target of his weak-sauce disses is Amber Portwood and her fiance, Matt Baier.
Now, you really couldn’t ask for an easier target than Baier.
The man is a middle-aged Teen Mom obsessive and deadbeat dad who’s marrying Amber after unsuccessfully cyber-stalking several of her co-stars.
Saran has taken shots at Baier on several occasions, but they never quite land the way they should.
His latest attempt at insult comedy was inspired by Amber’s recent comments about her upcoming wedding.
To the surprise of many Portwood revealed that she plans to invite all of her Teen Mom co-stars – including Simon and Farrah Abraham – to watch her say “I do.”
“Every single Teen Mom [star] will be invited,” Amber told People.
“Every single one from Teen Mom 2 and Teen Mom OG.”
It was a surprising announcement, as the last time we saw all four cast members in the same place was when Amber and Farrah fought at last season’s Teen Mom: OG reunion show.
Simon might actually be the thirstiest of the franchise’s deeply parched stars, so it was only a matter of time before he sounded off on Amber’s comments.
And as expected, his smack talk was as lame as Farrah’s claims that her porn debut was actually an amateur sex tape:
“I haven’t been to a circus in a while, it could be fun,” Saran told Radar Online.
You bothered to make a statement, but you couldn’t come up with anything better than comparing their wedding to a circus?
If you follow him on Twitter, you know that Simon is constantly trying to pick a fight with Amber and Matt.
Saran’s insults are usually uninspired, but this latest is corny even by his standards.
“All of a sudden everyone is buying a house,” he joked when Portwood and Baier were looking at homes this season.
“Everyone got their MTV bonuses and got no jobs! You actually need to have a job and do something with your life to have an office Matt!”
That’s a bit more like it, but before we can co-sign that burn, we’d like to know what percentage of Simon’s income is Teen Mom-related.
If it’s more than half, he surrenders his right to take shots at Matt’s joblessness.
Them’s the arbitrary rules we just made up.
Watch Teen Mom online to enjoy the sight of Simon and Farrah pretending they like each other.