Today marks the 28th birthday of twins Jana and John David Duggar.
Of course, in a rare reversal for the family, it’s the male who’s being pushed to the margins, and the female who’s getting all the attention.
But don’t worry, the reasons for that are completely sexist, in keeping with the Duggars’ reputation.
You see, Jana is still single.
This is almost unheard of for a family in which girls are taught from a young age that procreation is their sole reason for being.
So with every birthday, the moaning and hand-wringing from the Duggar faithful becomes more intense, as does the need to believe that Jana is in a secret courtship that will soon bear fruit … and by “fruit,” of course, we mean children.
Here’s a complete list of all the men Jana has been erroneously linked to over the years.
1. Single Cinderella
Dubbed the “Cinderella Duggar” due to the number of household chores she performs, Jana stayed at home to help care for her siblings as her brothers and sisters flew the coop to start families of their own.
2. Pushed Out of the Nest?
Sources close to the family say that from the time she was of child-bearing age, Jana’s family has been attempting to marry her off to any available man who crosses her path. So we guess this marks her tenth anniversary of being creepily objectified by her own parents!
3. Or Shackled to the Compound?
Of course, there are those who claim the opposite–that Jana has been forced to remain at home to help care for her siblings. Frankly, we’d believe either terrible rumor!
4. Either Way…
…the rumors keep flying, and they probably won’t let up until Jana either gets married or releases a statement proclaiming that she plans to remain single for the rest of her life.
5. The Pressure Increases
The public pressure on Jana to hurry up and start breeding has only gotten more intense as her sisters have married and started families of their own. At this point, five of Jana’s younger siblings have married and have either had children or are currently expecting.
6. Who Are the Suitors?
The list of Jana’s potential suitors runs the gamut from longtime family friends to famously pious NFL stars. And curiously, she’s mostly kept mum about the rumors…