You may know Avril Lavigne as the Canadian Hot Topic aficionado who married the Nickelback guy and did a lot of unintentionally comedic sneering in the early 2000s.
But if you’re prone to believing social media conspiracy theories started by people with names like @givenchyass, then you’ll soon think of the self-proclaimed punk princess in a very different light …
… as a corpse!
Yes, thanks to a remarkably detailed tweet thread outlining the case for #DeadAvrilTruthers, the buzz on Twitter this week is that Avril committed suicide in 2003, and her death was covered up by greedy record company execs.
So who’s been belting out all those jams about Sk8r bois and rocking those ironic neckties?
Well, according to @givenchyass, a body double named Melissa Vandella has been masquerading as Avril for the past 14 years.
Yes, Ms. Ass claims that Lavigne hired Vandella early in her career to do appearances on her behalf and generally help her cope with the pressures of fame.
“She was so used to being able to live a normal life and now that she was famous, she couldn’t handle the paparazzi,” the conspiracy tweeter writes.
So, the story goes, Avril did what any skittish overnight celeb would do, and hired a doppelganger:
@givenchyass goes on to claim that Avril and Melissa “quickly became best friends” and one day while hanging out in the studio, Lavigne decided to teach Vandella how to “sing and sound like her.”
Shortly thereafter, Avril’s career took off like a shot, but at the height of her fame, she was struck by tragedy when her beloved grandfather passed away.
Dead Avril theorists believe that Lavigne was distraught that she hung herself, but those who stood to make the most money from her fame found a way to keep the radio-friendly pop-punk train rolling:
“She was at the peak of her career, so it is said that instead of letting the news of her dying go into the media, they used her look alike,” @givenchyass claims.
Hilariously, this theory has actually been around for several years, originating on the appropriately-titled Brazilian blog Avril Esta Morta.
In the past, however, no one has gone into greater detail than @givenchyass, and yes, at this point, we’re just enjoying using that name as often as possible.
Social became so rapt with the notion that Avril was replaced by a punk double that Lavigne’s name trended on Twitter over the weekend, and hundreds have made contributions to the #DeadAvril evidence pile.
Naturally, there have been some doubters, because, well, the whole story is bonkers and ridiculous, but G-Ass has already responded to the haters:
“I’m not sitting here being like ‘this is 100% facts’ it’s literally just a theory so calm down and miss me w that headass sh-t,” she tweeted.
Yeah! Miss her with that headass sh-t!
Do those words actually mean something?
Avril Lavigne is dead, people named @givenchyass are making international news, and we no longer understand Twitter slang!
Why ya gotta go and make things so complicated, world?
We need a nap.